One important aspect of grieving the loss of a pet, that often goes overlooked, is holding a memorial for your beloved deceased pet. Pet memorials can help to bring closure to a grief that is largely unrecognized in broader society.

You can read the article here.

www.goodlifepsychotherapy.com

Research suggests that 21 % of men and 11% of women will be sexually unfaithful in their lifetime. In fact, these percentages are quickly rising and the gender gap is getting smaller.

As mentioned in a previous post, social media sites such as Facebook are quickly becoming a catalyst for betrayal.

One factor that contributes to infidelity is opportunity. Having an opportunity to cheat with someone who is emotionally or sexually available, is a major predictor of cheating.

Technology, including texting and social media, substantially increase a person’s opportunity to cheat. Texting and emails allow for covert, private communication, while social media sites allow a person to reach out to an old flame instantaneously.

This topic is explored in a 4 minute clip on NPR. You can listen to the brief segment here.

Although there are a plethora of factors that contribute to cheating, opportunity is a poignant one to be considered.

www.goodlifepsychotherapy.com

I wrote a guest blog on emotional eating for Mandy Seay, RD, LD, a nutrition consultant and freelance writer in Austin, TX.

Emotional eating, consuming food to feed a feeling, is the main cause of overeating.

You can read the article here on her Nutritionistics website.

In 2004 Facebook was launched, revolutionizing how we communicate and keep in touch with one another. While it’s fun to reconnect with our friends from the past, getting back in touch with old flames sometimes carries an additional layer of complexity. In fact, Facebook has been cited as an emerging catalyst for infidelity and divorce. While most intentions are innocent, it’s a slippery slope when you’re sharing personal stories with someone you cared about, and they happen to be emotionally available too.

A question that I often hear is whether or not to friend request old boyfriends. The answer depends on several factors that should be considered prior to sending that friend request:

• What are your motives for reaching out? Are they strictly platonic or do you have an underlying goal?
• How did the relationship end?
• Do you need closure?
• Was this the “love of your life” or a more casual relationship?
• Are you able to be respectful of your old flame in their current relationship (including their partner and children) if you do reconnect?
• If you reconnect, will you be able to respect the boundaries of your own relationship?
• Do you feel the need to hide or minimize your intentions from your current partner?

And the last and more important questions:

• Are you satisfied with your current relationship?
• Are your emotional needs being met within your current relationship?

If you answer no or sometimes to either of these questions, you should redirect your energy into improving your current relationship rather than reaching out to that old boyfriend. Although your intentions are innocent, getting your emotional needs met from conversing with your old flame on Facebook, rather than your current partner, indicates there might be some deficiencies in your relationship.

So, your old flame has popped up in your potential friend list for a while, but they haven’t initiated contact with you.

What should you do? I would love to hear your opinion, so please leave a comment below!

Millie Cordaro, PhD, LPC

www.goodlifepsychotherapy.com

Mary Ainsworth extended Bowlby’s theory of attachment, and described three major styles of attachment. These are:

• Secure Attachment- Parent responds consistently and appropriately to child’s needs. The child uses parent as a “home base” from which to explore the environment, and checks back in with parent for comfort before further exploration.

• Anxious-Ambivalent (Insecure) Attachment- Parent inconsistently meets child’s needs. The child is unable to use caregiver as a secure base. These children are usually distressed upon separation with indifference, anger, reluctance to warm to caregiver. The child is typically preoccupied with caregiver’s availability, seeking contact, yet resisting when it is achieved.

• Anxious- Avoidant (Insecure) Attachment- Parent conveys little to no response to a distressed child. There is minimal affective interaction between parent and child, or the child does not convey distress when apart from parent and tries to avoid physical contact with parent.

Unfortunately, many people were not able to have the ideal, secure attachment, but experienced degrees of insecure attachment. Given that these early emotional experiences directly impact later adult relationships, characteristics from each of these early attachment styles can be found in our current relational styles.

• Secure Attachment-These adults are comfortable being emotionally connected to their partner, and are comfortable spending time away from their partner to spend time with others and pursue their own interests.
  

• Anxious-Ambivalent (Insecure) Attachment- As adults, they often look to their partner for approval and assurance, often becoming overly dependent; however, they can often be less trusting, have less positive views about themselves and their partners, and may exhibit high levels of  impulsivity in their relationships.

• Anxious- Avoidant (Insecure) Attachment- These adults require a large degree of independence, often appearing aloof or afraid of commitment.  They tend to disconnect from their feelings, dealing with rejection by distancing themselves from partners.

So, can you see parts of yourself in one of these attachment styles? The good news is that you can work to improve your current relational functioning. You will need to work toward feeling secure as you emotionally connect with your partner, but also feel secure being on your own and away from your partner.

I would love to help you find this balance in your relationship. You can find me at www.goodlifepsychotherapy.com.

• You are juggling multiple roles
• You are the social glue for your family
• You provide social support to those who need it
• You significantly contribute to your household
• You are balancing work (this includes you, mothers) and home life

Let’s celebrate this day together. I propose that we find one activity today that we enjoy, but have neglected, and do it for ourselves. Today, I set aside my work and household chores and took a 20 minute stroll around the neighborhood.

What will you do today to celebrate you?

I recently picked up this informative book, “The Mindful Way Through Depression.” My clinical supervisor, who specializes in mindfulness psychotherapy has been mentioning the authors Zindel Segal and Jon Kabat-Zinn for some time to me.

I work mostly from the cognitive-behavioral treatment (CBT) modality, but I have been interested in stress-reduction methods that incorporate deep breathing, a complement to CBT. This book focuses on the intersection of cognitive therapy and guided meditation. Although written for the general public, this is also a good read for practitioners interested in broadening techniques used for reducing symptoms of depression with clients.

I plan to work through the 8-week mindfulness-based cognitive therapy program outlined in the book. The authors recommend that you do not undergo the program if you are actively experiencing a major depressive episode, so be sure to read the book before beginning the program.

Be well!

• Have high self-esteem
• Be extroverted
• Be decisive
• Have close relationships with family and friends
• Delay immediate gratification
• Be religious
• Be forgiving
• Have an optimistic explanatory style

How do you measure up to these characteristics?

If you think you fall short on identifying with any or all of these factors, you can begin to increase your levels of happiness. I suggest selecting one, maybe two, factors to begin improving or incorporating into your life.

I would love to hear which of these characteristics you select, or are working on as you pave your road to happiness.

It’s important to have a list of options you can choose from. Here are a couple of ideas to add to your tension relieving tricks.

• Deep breathing (You can find directions here)
• Taking a 15-20 minute walk
• Meditating
• Making a daily list with realistic goals or errands
• Writing
• Call a friend
• Play with your child
• Take a hot bath
• Listen to music
• Get a massage
• Pet your pet (You can read a previous post on this here)

What are some other healthy strategies you use to relieve tension?

How does your pet(s) enhance your overall health and well-being?

The Center for Disease Control (CDC), highlights some of the health benefits of having pets. Pet companionship helps to reduce:

• Blood pressure
• Cholesterol

The benefits of a pet companion go beyond health. According to studies, pets improve our mental health as well.  In fact, the simple act of stroking your pet is a healthy coping strategy for buffering against stress, and can help reduce levels of:

• Depression
• Anxiety

Pets help bring structure, routine, and purpose to our lives. In some cases, pets curb feelings of loneliness, and can increase opportunities for socialization. Remember the movie Must Love Dogs?

The next time you feel stressed, pet your cat, or take your dog for a walk. By taking care of your pet, you will take care of yourself too.